THE CHOCOLATE-FLAVORED CONDOMS IN MY ROOM

What must a woman of a certain age do when she finds chocolate flavored condoms in her hotel room?

I have been a little offended that Lemon Tree Hotels, a very nice business hotel in India’s Ahmedabad never left me any shampoo in the bathroom. The food was fantastic, the service was even better, the room was decent, the hot water in the shower was really hot. A woman of my age cannot complain. But a woman of my age and wisdom must whine because that’s what we’re wont to do. Each time I stood under the shower I missed some shampoo.

However, just before checking out today, I did find some chocolate-flavored condoms on the topmost shelf where I’d stashed my nightgown. I did a clean sweep—a better sweep than the staff, for sure—and I found my chocolate box. It’s a pity that they were not mine.

When a 60-year-old woman happens upon an opened box of these, several thoughts bombard her mind all at once. Whose were they? Did the hotel leave them for its business travelers just in case they needed them? Did all business travelers know to look for them at the back of the topmost shelf? Was there a WhatsApp group called Lemon Drops & Nibbles?

When you see things like this in a country that’s obviously not using enough of them, other thoughts cross your mind. What other flavors do they make? Could they be eaten as candy, especially when the hotel didn't leave any candy in the room? What about a nice Gujarati flavor—like Handvo flavor, no pun intended at all?

There were other feelings related to me. Should I filch them? If I did and they showed up in my baggage check and it was noted by the airport security men and women (all young things of childbearing age) that the box had been opened and that the contents had been used, I’d get looks.

Furthermore, my recent travel history showed I’d gone to Benares in renunciation of things and while I’d not exactly checked into the Mukti Lodge in preparation to exit the world, I couldn’t be caught (ultimately) walking into it with a nice chocolate-flavored box of condoms.

I left the box up on the shelf for the next occupant of the room.